Monday, July 18, 2011

Mommy Fail #118: Teaching a kid how to pee

I know my baby is only sixteen months old, but here's the thing: I'm sick of diapers.  Shocking, I know.

So, I had a brilliant idea.  I thought, "Let's start potty training!"  I'm not going to lie to you because you're good people...potty training at this age is more about training me not to be lazy to be attentive than it is about Little Spaghetti actually understanding the concept of pottying.

I did a little reading about potty training before I started, but all I really learned is that I am not going to refer to my child's urine as "te-te."  People actually say that?  Yes, apparently, they do.

"Pee" or "pee pee" is what we will say in my house, even if my high school English teacher thinks that word is crass.

Anyway, we started the potty training.  He's actually doing very well.  He sits on the little potty that goes on the big potty (because who wants to clean out those little plastic potties?), he makes a "shhhhh" sound, and then - about 75% of the time - he pees.  After lots of hollering and hugging about how awesome he is (I do the hollering, not him), he grabs a little piece of toilet paper, wipes himself, and pushes it into the potty.  Finally, he gets up, flushes the potty, and claps.

I've been calling it success, even though the whole charade hinges on me bringing him to sit on the potty approximately every twelve minutes which effectively removes my ability to do anything else in life.

But then, tonight, my dad called.

"Mom was telling me about how the baby goes potty," he said.

"Yeah?" I responded, not being able to figure out why he sounded so weird about it.

"You're ruining him! He's going to get beat up when he goes to school! Boys don't wipe for crying out loud!"

So there you have it...that's what you get for letting a woman teach a boy how to pee.


  1. lol... there you go no good deed goes unpunished. LOL I send you an email hope you received it. =)

  2. I know, right? And yes, I did! Thank you so so much!

  3. Well, boys should wipe. I, for one, am sick of seeing wet spots on hubby's underwear after he goes to the bathroom and doesn't wipe.

  4. @Ruth: Lol! That's what I'm talking about. Now I can at least claim I had a reason to teach him!

  5. HA! Well, I guess then you've just found an excuse to have someone else teach him!

  6. Ah, potty training! Sounds like all is going well so far - and I'm with Ruth up there; boys SHOULD wipe!! Then again, as Gigi pointed out you can totally use that as an excuse to have your husband teach him! Lol... Decisions, decisions. Best of luck with all that! :-)

  7. hahahaha! I gotta say, I was with your dad when I read that the baby wiped. Then again, I don't like the pee drops, either. I think you're supposed to teach him to shake it, right?

  8. Time to fuck with dad...

    Paint his toenails one day, and send dad a picture "awww look, isn't it cute???"

    and then wait...

  9. I'm on board with Lost in Idaho! Do it!!! Please?!

    You are so right about it working only if you are not being lazy. (That's why I'm so lucky Babe took it upon herself.) If you can keep it up he will get it. Good for you!

    While my son was too small to stand up to pee I had him wipe but now that he's tall enough (but still not tall enough to climb the statue of liberty, damn) he doesn't wipe anymore. He made that choice not me. I could do without the underwear stains! Seriously!

  10. ROFLMAO!!! I have to laugh - I had to teach my youngest, who is a boy, solely on my own. No father in his life to do it. I had help with the older 2 boys (ok, I didn't help with them at all, really) so I had no idea what to do.

    He sat to pee for the longest time and was terrified to pee standing up. I was at a complete loss. How am I supposed to teach him this manly skill?

    "Hey! Big brothers! Get your butts in here and teach your brother how to pee standing up!" So there's my secret - he was taught by a 4 and a 6 year old.

    It worked.


  11. Hahaha, I'm so glad that I don't have a boy....... Although, girls are more.. hands on in this department, so mayber it wouldn't have been so bad. ;)

  12. Wait until he thinks removing poop from his pull-up, placing it on the tile and stepping in it is fun...and I have a girl!

  13. And I do not like "te te" either.

  14. :) I am laughing so hard! :) It's fun to have a boy!

  15. I agree with your dad. Boys don't wipe when they pee. Of course, from the looks of things my boys don't wipe EVER, so I might not be a good resource on the subject.

    Totally funny!

  16. So funny! And if Dad does not want him to wipe then he needs to volunteer to let your little one watch him pee ;) hahaha

  17. You gotta teach him to TAP. Sitting is fine at first, once he learns he can pee on any tree he will stand up.

  18. You all crack me up! In my defense, it is actually HIM who is enamored with the toilet paper, so I didn't really have to "teach" him to wipe; I just didn't discourage him.

    @Gigi: I like your reasoning!

    @Crystal: You're's hard to figure out exactly how to use this to my best interest.

    @ChiTown: Yeah, I think "shaking" is the appropriate drying method. But I think he needs to learn to stand before that happens. lol.

    @Lost: LOL! I love that plan.

    @Momnextdoor: I am still so jealous of you/Babe. Your experience with Bud gives me hope, though, that I'm not ruining his peeing habits forever.

    @Nonstop: Genius! You want to lend me your boys for a few days? (That's probably a dangerous question...)

    @LindsayDiane: At least I would feel like I knew what I was doing with a girl!

    @Stephanie: Glad I'm not alone on that one. And...the poop/pull-up sounds horrifying!

    @Marina: All joking aside, it is really fun to have a boy.

    @Jessica: LOL! Given the two options, I think I'd pick wiping too much instead of too little!

    @Mary: I should tell him that. I think he'd be way too shy, but at least maybe he wouldn't bother me about it any more.

    @Sara: Thanks!

    @Daddy's in Charge: Tap! Love it. And I'm glad to hear that about peeing on trees. I was worried it would take months of retraining...

  19. Great...maybe your dad can come over and handle it then!

  20. Ha!

    I am so glad my potty training days are over. I have 2 stubborn kids so there were a lot of tears (mostly mine.)

  21. Hey girl,

    Can you shoot me an email at or point my blind eyes towards your contact info. I've got a offer you can't refuse. :)

  22. That is awesome! He's making so much better progress than my daughter is/was. I tried potty training her at 18 months and she hated it. Refuses to sit on her potty or a potty ring on the big potty. She knows what she needs to do on there but just doesn't want anything to do with them.

  23. @Rach: I agree!

    @Whispering: I'm hoping he doesn't get stubborn as we go...we'll see!

    @Jessica: email sent! I'm excited about this!

    @Texas: Kids sure have a mind of their own, don't they? He's tolerating it plan is never to force it, so hopefully he just keeps being ok with it.

  24. Oh man, that's hilarious. Men. My little dude is pretty similar (though we have one of those little toilet seats in the toilet seat that comes down for him). He sees his sister wiping so he has to try too. Heck, tell your dad the wiping is nothing. You're boy is sitting down to pee. That'll get him beat up first.

    I hope Lil Skeddi (how my daughter would say it) keeps moving forward. My adventures in potty training with my daughter started the time you're starting and went on and off until she was 3 1/2. I about went insane. But she is a strong willed little cus. Wonder where she got that...

  25. @Heligirl: you're right about the sitting down! And oh man...that's a lot of potty training. I hope it doesn't go on that long, but I suppose I'd survive. Lol at Lil Skeddi. Too cute!