Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Want free money? Send my husband a scam email

Before I share this awesome story with you, can I ask you a favor?  Will you vote for me in Week 5 of Blogger Idol?  (Voting for Week 5 is closed.  Thanks for all your support!)  No gimmicks, no videos, no bribes...but please vote.  I can't do it without you!  This week was "Idol Gives Back Week," and we had to feature some of our favorite blogs.  See what I have to say about Momma Bird, Mom Next Door, I Need a Playdate, Absolutely Narcissism, and My Own Private Idaho.  There were SO many more of you that I would like to have featured;  I hope to share more Bloggy BFF love on my blog in the future!

Alright, back to how to get free money from my husband:

You know those emails that most people delete without even reading the entire subject line? The ones titled “Confirmation Letter from Irish Lottery Board” and “Concerning My Proposed Investment Inquiry in your Country?” My husband likes them. Enjoys them even.

A couple months ago, he came to me with three pages of computer paper in his hand. “I got the funniest email today, and I printed it out for you,” he said and handed me the document. “URGENT RESPONSE NEEDED” the subject line said.

“This is a scam,” I told him, handing the paper back.

“I know, but it's hilarious!” He proceeded to read me the ENTIRE email stopping to highlight his favorite parts of the absurd “business” proposition presented in broken English. “The funniest thing,” he said after he finished, “is that this guy is claiming to be the Director of the FBI, but he has a yahoo email address. Like it's just sooo hard for the Director of the FBI to get a dot gov email address.”

Then, we were in the car the other day, and Mr. Spaghetti said, “You know those scam emails I like so much?”

“Yeah...” I said reluctantly.

“I got one from a Mr. Zellerman today. He found a suitcase full of money and wants to share it with me,” he said like he was talking about an old buddy. “He said he didn't actually open it, but that he is guessing by the weight of it that it contains three or four million dollars.”

“I wish I knew how much three or four million dollars weighed,” I said.

“He signed it 'The Legal Diplomatic of Your Package Box,'" he laughed. “I think I should start using that as my title from now on.”

“I'll get you business cards,” I answered.

“You know,” he said after a minute, “I almost sort of feel for those guys. They apparently have no marketable job skills, so they have to resort to using the English language poorly to swindle people out of money.”

“Well, I feel better knowing that you're smart enough not to fall for a scam like that, just that you might send them money as an act of charity.”

He pulled a jump drive out of his pocket and handed it to me with a sinister look on his face. “Here follow my instructions,” he said.

“Is it a scam email? Are you gonna make me read it?” I whined.

“No!” he said, “I just want to listen to some music...”


My husband wanted me to add this disclaimer about his love of spam letters: Nigerian scam emails are like spy novels written for ten year-olds. They’re foreign and little bit exciting and they’re harmless so long as you recognize that they aren’t real.

32 comments:

  1. Ha! I read them too, even though I know they are a scam.

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  2. I really like you husband. I get such a kick out of reading those emails too! I love the way they completely butcher our language like we aren't going to know the difference. LOL!

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  3. About a year ago (when I was unemployed and had nothing better to do) I used to respond to those letters from time to time.

    I'd correct the spelling and grammar errors, and give tips on "if you're gonna scam me, at least do it right."

    One actually responded and thanked me for the input. Is that bad???

    Oh, and thanks for the bloggie love. Expect a proper pimping (including a call to vote) tomorrow AM!

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  4. I get boring ones only. A co-worker actually got one from Ban Ki-Moon! I wish I were so lucky.... ;p

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  5. I clicked and voted for you! :)

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  6. Your hubby is hilarious: "Here. Follow my instructions." Hee hee hee! It's nice that he takes those stupid spam e-mails in such stride . I just generally give them "the look" and then delete them. :-)

    And now, off to vote....

    For you, of course! Lol...

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  7. I hate those scam e-mails. I get like 4 a day.

    And I hate when I get spam e-mails that say something like You've Won A 500 Kohls Giftcard!! That's just cruel to tease like that.

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  8. I'm glad for Blogger Idol pointing me your direction! I seldom read such emails on account of working in contracts and "getting" to spend my day laughing at those inventive misuses of English, but it was a treat to read about someone else's enthusiastic consumption of 'em. Thanks for the :)

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  9. I voted. So.....what's the hubby's email address? Cuz, I could use some free money..... ;-)

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  10. My husband is much like that as well. He finds it funny. Though at one point he enjoyed an argument back and forth with the scammer. I feel a little sorry for the scammers too, but.... there are a lot of naive people out there who might send what little money they do have to "get rich quick." The scammers feed on the greedy and ignorant..

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  11. OMG, that is hilarious. Have you in fact referred to Mr. S as The Legal Diplomatic of Your Package Box. You should call him to bed using that title. I'm laughing so hard as I write this now because I'm imagining you doing that. I typically hit delete, but now I might actually read them now. I feel like I'm missing out.

    Voted for you, BTW. How could I not?

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  12. ROFL! I've never read any of them but am going to keep my eye out for the Nigerian ones from now on. I voted!

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  13. I will click & vote for you! LOL on that one comment who corrected the grammar & sent back. OMG!! Hysterical. - Wildcat's WIfe

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  14. I someone just quit the scams in a click, but after reading this a though comes in mind why don’t we try to read. Hehehe... Until they aren’t real or not replayed back is safe enough.

    I voted for u :)

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  15. I just delete all those spam emails... But your husband's point of view is pretty good!

    I tried to vote but it said the voting was closed!

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  16. I voted for you!

    I've sent those strange spam emails directly to spam if they haven't already been sent there directly, but I am curious about one thing: who are these strange people who write these emails? I feel sorry for the individuals who receive them and get fooled, but who writes them?

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  17. "The Legal Diplomatic of Your Package Box" LMAO funny!

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  18. LOL Love this post... I too read them some are really really funny.

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  19. @Kelli: My husband is glad to know he's not alone!

    @Momnextdoor: I know! It's like they just type things into a translator and go with what it spits out.

    @Idaho: Lol. At least you were staying busy, right? And THANK YOU for pimping me out on your site. You and your followers rock!

    @Bobo: Wow! That's pretty darn good. Haha.

    @Stephanie: Thank you for your support!

    @Crystal: My husband greatly appreciated your comment, lol! And thanks!

    @Whispering: That IS just cruel. I would get so excited to see that...and then so disappointed.

    @Deb: Glad I could make you smile, and glad you found me through Blogger Idol. The connections and friendships I've found through that competition are really awesome! Welcome!

    @Gigi: Thank you so much. And I was wondering when someone would finally ask for the email address!

    @Aleta: You're right about the greedy and ignorant thing. I'm always so baffled that people actually fall for those things!

    @Heligirl: Lol! You totally crack me up. I think I am going to call him to bed using that title one of these nights. And thanks for the vote!

    @Clifford: Glad you got a laugh!

    @Texas: Thanks for the vote! And you definitely should watch for the Nigerian ones.

    @Wildcat: Thanks. I know, I totally got a kick out of that, too!

    @Madrassi: Thanks for your support!

    @The Angry Lurker: I'm glad Idaho sent you! He's awesome. Welcome and thank you!

    @Toqua: Thanks! Sorry I forgot to update it when the polls closed. Voting is so short!

    @K: Thank you! I wonder about that myself. I once told my hubby he should call the number in the email, just to see who answered.

    @Cat: I know! Glad to see you around!!

    @Adriana: They can be really funny. As much as it annoyed me at first that he would read them to me, I now sort of enjoy it.

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  20. I’ve won enough Irish lottery results to buy the country five times over.

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  21. haha! I agree: those Nigerian scam emails are hilarious! I had thought about featuring one in a blog post, but I think this here says it all!

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  22. Dang it, I missed the voting window! This is totally hilarious, btw!

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  23. This one time, my sis actually wrote back to the spammersn (it was one really mad caps lock ridden e- mail) and they said they were sorry. :D
    Following and supporting! :)

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  24. @Drake: Lucky! Between you and my husband, you could probably take over the world.

    @Sandra: I don't think you can ever feature Nigerian scam emails enough.

    @Lindy: No worries...there's always next week! And thanks!

    @My day: At least they were nice about it. Thank you and welcome!

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  25. This was hilarious! Luckily those emails go straight to spam, but I know I've gotten quite a few over the years. I've actually wondered if these messages are actually being written/sent by real people? I sort of assumed (hoped) they are auto-generated by some spam-robot. Either way, it is unfortunate that with jobs so hard to come by currently people feel they have no choice but to resort to things like this. But if it is actually someone, they should invest a little time and get an editor/spell check, common sense, etc!

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  26. @Sarah: I, like you, had assumed they were auto-generated, but after reading some of the comments here about people who have interacted with these scammers, it sounds like they may be real folks after all! The whole thing still baffles me a little!

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